My last post a few weeks ago was all about how I had finally come to realise that I had a problem with my confidence. Lots of friends told me that it would come back eventually, and I wasn't to worry. I didn't believe them and started to get quite cross about it. How did they know that it would, it hadn't done so far.
In the last few weeks I have been cubbing, including loading/towing in the pitch black, and towing my mare further than I've ever taken her, I have hacked out a lot with a friend, I have clipped a friend's horse that I had never met before, I have joined a team for a novice team chase, and yesterday I jumped 3'4" joyfully (having not jumped for about 3 months) I had a wibble last week, but by the Saturday when I went cubbing, all nerves seem to have vanished. They have not made an appearance since. I do not know why or how, but I'm certainly not complaining.
My friends are encouraging me in my new found excitement of doing horse things. My husband also, even though he then has to cover child care and extra trips to the yard and so on.
The anxiety is still there, but I am telling myself that it is unfounded. It is just anxiety, it is not an actual thing, the issues are made up. Somehow this works for me. I'm acting like a pony mad teen again and I love it!